So much pain, so much hurt, but
none for her anymore. It started with a breath, not as many as there should’ve
been, and ended with a hiss. Family all around. My finger in her hand. Cold to
touch. No more warmth there anymore. Once that was all there was. Hearts give
life, and take life away. Those hearts left behind break a little more. So
sudden, but should we have seen it coming? Who could? They thought death would be all she'd know, be dead within a month, then a year. They said she shouldn’t live
at all. It’d be a mercy. In the end, she took 29 years of what they
said she wouldn’t have. But she deserved many more.
‘Can we go home?’
‘Of course we can, sweetheart. You
just need to get a little better, that’s all.’
Mercy.
‘Can I have some water?’
‘The nurse is just coming to get
you some.’
Lie.
‘Can I have some cereal?’
‘Of course, sweetheart, in a
minute. You’re doing so well. We’re all proud of you.’
Nothing else you can say. We know
the end is coming. We can’t tell you that. Mercy. As if mercy exists.
‘Siobhan, the Siamese caught the
rat!’
‘Good.’
‘No more rats in the garden now.
All gone.’
A lie. But she heard, and she
believed. And if she believed, why can’t it be true? In her universe, the cat
got the rat. That’s good enough for me.
* * *
Dedicated to my sister, Siobhan Mary Garnett,
who passed away on the 23rd June, 2015. She wasn't given a fair chance at life,
but lived a better one than most I know. I'll miss her forever.
Sleep well, Siobhan xxx
